I think I’ll make a deal with her. Make peace. I need it more than her. It’s her destiny or maybe just the final truth. She will get him. She will own him forever.
No matter what, there’ll always be a straying thought of her in his head. If he ever sees her, that straying thought will walk up confident into his heart and make it stop. And in that moment of idleness he will consciously discover the thought’s existence. He will make it grow slowly. He’ll feed the little pest. And slowly it’ll kill me.
So why not just die a lonely death right now. Silently move into the dark. Why drag him into my misery?
I’d rather be a ghost. Rather be a passing thought flushed down like a cheap takeaway dinner than be the dinner itself. Eaten away without respect, thrown around without love or consideration. Without thought that somewhere out there might be someone else, longing for that waste, to have at least that bit of the happy world.
I’d rather him keep the other woman.