Why I think

People say that I look older (than I am) but I feel like I have become an adult only now and that I was a child always. People associate the idea that I think a lot and the idea that I have always been very serious as a person, to that of being an adult. But I have, until now, just been reactive. I have only been involved in experiencing, experimenting. In what I believed and what I saw. I feel that is a child’s way of exploring the world. Of just experiencing the most that you can and of having that curiosity to ask more questions about things around you. But it is only now that I have started to stop asking questions and started to settle down with the limited information that I might have about any given subject. I have perhaps resigned to a certain form of reality – which is maybe cynical, which is (in my mind at least) a more ‘adult’ thing to do. And it is only now that I can finally remember numbers and names and who connects with who. The only reason I have been able to connect the dots is because I have stopped experiencing information as a new thing, as just a simple experience, as this abstractness that I came across. As just this tiny truth that was revealed to me at that point of time. I have now started combining these little truths and creating a framework – which is what it is. Its constricting my idea of reality.

But I feel that in this world at least, the most successful people, are the people who have constricted their sense of reality. Everybody who is famous and everybody who is seemingly genius (I mean that with absolute affection to a LOT of people), for them it requires an understanding of adulthood to be successful. And when I say successful, I mean, people who are the fore-bearers of this process of civilisation of human society. It is these people who have brought about more thoughts and more information in those specific areas that build this framework. They have, by constricting their individual realities, made the reality that we live in today.

This framework provides to me all the thoughts and actions that I have and that I take.

Which is good and bad, in whatever way you may want to see it is as, but the point is that this adulthood is what is going to build my future reality. The future of the people around me. The future of a child I may have. And the future of our life and world. Perhaps it is this adulthood that I think people take a lot of time to reach. Everybody has their own pace, and it is certainly difficult to reach here. I had a difficult life. I know life is not a thing to be done easily.

So, to forgive everybody who has not reached this conclusion of adulthood is difficult sometimes but important. Its difficult because in your viewpoint (who you believe to have reached this idea of adulthood), the world seems childish. You want them to hurry up. Its frustrating to live around people who just can’t seem to catch up to you. In everyday life you might feel “Nobody understands me”. But THIS is an important position to be in because you get to be the leader of what ‘understanding’ is from your viewpoint. It is sad, it is breaking, it feels like it questions your existence but YOU get to be that person who shapes the future. YOU get to be the person who shapes reality. YOU get to be that person who builds something. Who builds the the world. THE WORLD. You are, the creator.

Saying that THIS is the reality and YOU build your reality, is perhaps from a point of self preservation but that is born from one of the central ideas of my thinking that, society should provide us the solutions to be able to function in life. Living together should be able to help us realise a certain happiness that we are capable of feeling. That happiness which helps us answer everything we know of life.

(2016)

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