Dear Men

For decades we tried to talk to you emphatically. We tried to tell you how patriarchy affects you. We spoke about effect of anti-abortion laws, unpaid child leave, mental health etc on men’s lives. We talked about toxic masculinity, minimum wage, workplace abuse. But it seems that things don’t really change for women no matter how much we try talking openly to you.

I’ve had a man sit in my house, drink my booze, smoke my stash, proclaim loudly – “Why the fuck should I care?! As long as I am personally not doing anything, I don’t give a shit about the rest of the world!”

I laughed it off and thought, yeah well he is right. There’s no reason why he should take personal accountability for the world right?

Wrong. There is no man on this planet who has avoided personal culpability for a larger cause and is not an asshole in a way you’ll regret when you find out. This man above went on to take my support and affection for his personal benefit for months, gaslighting me when I wanted to cut him off. Sound familiar?

If a man doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with asking the rest of the world to do emotional labour for him, meanwhile not reciprocating that emotional labour for quite literally anyone else – he is an entitled dick and an immovable part of the patriarchy. He benefits from the patriarchichal system that allows him the leisure of living in an unchanged world.

If a man uses “science” and “statistics” to prove to you how it is in “fact” not as bad for women as “feminazis” claim it to be – he is patriarchy. He benefits from the patriarchichal system that allows him to ignore women’s reality.

If a man tries to make a woman feel bad for him by describing all the injustice men go through, or he himself goes through – he is a gaslighter and he is patriarchy. He benefits from the patriarchichal system that insists we all exist to serve the man.

If a man need any arguments or reasons from feminists which indicate how patriarchy has ruined things for men, to even feel emphatically for the movement – he is selfish and he is inhumane. Frankly just an asshole.

If a man makes it about himself, about other men, about misinterpretation of masculinity, in any way of the words – he is patriarchy.

It is a man’s world. Why the fuck is it always a man’s world?

Why can’t the world change where men are not the default? What the fuck is wrong with that?

You educated and enabled young women so you could have someone *you* considered equal. So cishet men could fuck women that other cishet men approved or even desired.

We realised your idea of equality is still subjugation – and we want more. You want to be the patriarch and we know that you are not deserving of that at all. So is it any wonder that you see us coming into power and lose your shit? Your power was based on something as vacuous as “the man of the house”. What did you even do to earn it? Nothing.

For fucks sake, you can’t even stand up for women’s rights without invoking “mother, sister, daughter”. How weak does a man’s belief have to be for him to aim it off another woman’s shoulder? How fragile does your ego have to be to think your opinion always matters? How stupid do you have to be to insist your “point of view” is more important than people’s life experiences? How ignorant do you have to be to demand that you be heard instead of millions of women who have been ignored?

The internet has brought about something exceptional for women and ensured that we can not be silenced anymore. It is the voices of these women, other women from all parts of the world that I want to hear. And dear men, for once, deal with the fact that you really don’t matter.


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