songs of sadness

i have felt trapped for all this time
i still do mostly
its as if this hurdle i needed to overcome
kept growing and becoming defeat
i felt alone and alienated
i felt like a failure
because i saw everywhere only brilliance
all the incredible people
of all the incredible talents
as if my talent was never enough
as if my mistake was to be mediocre
and i felt trapped by myself
for being myself
for having myself in this lifetime
was just not enough

its a love lost i realise
a love i have never known
a love i have never felt
well who even knows what that love is
and it has been so long
that i have been searching
feeling nothing at all
never belonging
only seeking
finding nothing at all
being lost and yet
continuing

but i move
i move like the river
it has to find a way
it always does
i move like the wind
quick and easy if it flows
i stray, i wander
i discover and i explore
i find strangeness
hidden beneath stranger things
and it might not be gleaming
it might not be much
but i’ll hold it tight
and i’ll call it love

and who i am
is ever changing
is never grown
so greatness is in this moment
its built on my being
on having seen myself through
the thick, the thin of life
i’ll get tired, i can halt
i’ll get hungry, i can eat
i’ll never leave
the show must go on
the lights are where i see them
to stay in sorrow
to live in glee
i’ll just have to remember
to be enough for me

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